Mom

On Tuesday night my mom won her battle against cancer. she didnt survive the fight but beat it in the only way she could. kamikaze style. It was winning for a while and had her scared and hurting, but she wouldn't let it win. she went somewhere it could no longer touch her and let it die with her body. she laughed at it at the end waking up momentarily to say " you know what I came, I saw and I conquered." then went back to sleep. a short time later she was gone. peacefully, unafraid and in her sleep. people talk about the faces of death, but they get that part wrong. the horror is in the face of dying. the face of death is the face of relief. the face of release. the face of peace.

I had spoken here before about the internet not being big enough to hold enough words to tell you about my mom. it still isnt, but im going to use part of it to tell you some of who she was. She was all the good things about me. her and my dad made me who I am. so if you know me, even slightly. you know some of my mom. Mom was a woman of immense strength. she was the one person that no matter how bad things got you could turn to and she would offer unquestioning love. while dad taught us all to laugh, mom tempered that laughter with love. me and my sisters no matter how much we fought and will fight will always end up as family because we know that love is the most important thing is the world. love is more powerful than anger, bitterness and even cancer.

Mom was also kind of dingy not in the wear your underwear on the outside way. but an unintended silly way we all found endearing and funny , including her. she would catch herself saying something along the line of if you put fish in the microwave wont the scales sparkle like a fork. then laugh every bit as hard as everyone else. this sprung from moms always thinking everything through. but it came out as Mom wasn't afraid to laugh at anything including herself.

Mom was the glue that held out family together through good times and bad. while dad was out trying to make a million with one of his inventions. mom was working steadily making sure the lights were on. being a den mother and brownie troop leader. or school mom . mom made sure our house was always the cool house where all the kids would come o play. not because we had cooler stuff laying around. but because no matter where or what our house was, it was always home. this continued as we all grew up. while my dad was the one who always brought home strays, mom was the one that made sure they were fed and loved. and no matter where me and my sisters went all over the world. when we came back moms house was always home. I think i'm going to miss that part the most. the feeling of home. the flopping down and knowing that no matter whats going on outside. in here it was home. thats a special magic mom had.

the antidotes and memories that make up a lifetime would take a lifetime to explain. so I wont try. Ill just simply say that everything I am is from my parents. my warmth , my humor, my ability to not only love but to do it without shame. all came from them. i will miss them with all my everything, but i will live each day with love and laughter and know in my heart that they did a damn fine job making us into what we are. while not rich in money I am rich in the things that matter. when someone goes they leave behind a lifetime of history, but they also create a future that while unwritten is guided by the love they shared.