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Thursday, October 10, 2013

Fuckabuncha death!

We have had the entire history of mankind to find a way to deal with it, yet we still have not found a way to make it right. Our entire lives are lived inside our heads. We are the nothing but the voice behind the eyes. So we invent places for that voice to go after the rest of us no longer works. We can see the body. Its done. All the parts stop functioning, Yet we try hard to believe that somehow the tiny voice finds a way to go on. Entire religions are based on this hope.Be a good person eat your veggies. worship this skybeard and after you go through the horrible process of actually dying, you get to see grammie again. We cling to hope of miracles tomorrow because they have stopped working today. People stopped believing in the old testament wrath of god shit because after a few thousand years of nothing spectacular happening, we had to reinvent religion. We had to explain to people that yeah life is fucked up now, but just wait til you die, whoo doggies!!! Then its gonna be awesome. Depending on which magic dude you follow you get anything from virgins to clouds and harps. Hope for tomorrow is what gets most of us through today.
Grief is a selfish emotion. It can't be shared. Oh you can tell other people about it in hopes that their feeling like shit somehow makes your feeling like shit somehow less, but the simple fact is that everyone of us grieves alone. We try to rationalize it. We look at the 7 stages of grief as some sort of road map that will take us out the other side. When in fact all we can do is wait it out. Eventually we get sick of feeling bad for ourselves and move on with our lives. Knowing there's a little pool of sad we can always bring up when we want to have our own personal pity party. Grief gets us nowhere. Its not cathartic. Its not something that makes us stronger. If it was, it wouldn't be such a giant punch in the heart every single fucking time. It's selfish because after we watch our loved ones go, we are left with ourselves.We feel that we somehow deserve a little me time to mope and be miserable because they got to have some while in the process of actually dying and now its our turn. It has somehow become the way we deal with this kind of thing. there are rules and cards and support groups.
There are people making a fortune on your grief. Just the same as there are people making bank on your belief. You can't let your loved ones go without a costly ceremony. Gotta have flowers and music and pretty words. Gotta pay a little extra for a place to stick them so you can come by for a few years and make yourself feel badly all over again.Time released grief! This amazes me. People that believe with all of their hearts that their loved ones are going to a better place will spend a fortune to make sure that what they left behind is taken care of. Isn't your whole belief system dependent on the fact that their soul, their essence, is now gone? So you will pay dearly for a place to store their vacated remains in the hopes that somehow this will what? Get you into the same heaven? Make you a better person because you have created a little island of sadness here on earth? How is this healthy? How is this sane? How can i get in on it and make me some money? We have priests at last rights we have them at funerals and burials. Isn't this a little redundant? Which part of the person are we saying goodbye to? Their everlasting souls or their vacated meat puppet? And why do i have to pay you all 3 times?
My own personal beliefs about life after death are I don't have a clue. Weep for me my religious friends because I will never have the comfort you have with your beliefs. I just don't know what happens. The little piece of me that still believes in magic and hope and unicorns wants to think, hey ive been a good person , I've tried to leave the world a little better then how I found it. I'll go to the happy place. But the rest of me. the rational, sane part of me thinks thats just the bullshit people use to keep going. That free beer tomorrow is something we can all cling to to make it through today. the one thing i am sure of is that when i do die the people that love me , because i do try to be a good person, will suffer because of it. The ones left behind will search for ways that will somehow make it make sense and will eventually come to the same conclusions that i have,which is fuckabuhncha death.

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