the inlaw saga continues

The in-laws have gone shopping. well when i say gone shopping i mean they have gone looking. they never buy anything but can spend 3 hours in a 7/11 and not buy anything. Causing the clerk to stand out side and warn real customers to not go in there for the love of god but that does give me a morning free in my own house. Sadly the Queef taking one for the team went with them. I love my wife, but no so much that i would offer to go in her stead. I would face a hungry tiger carrying a loaded weapon for her. but i will not fave Attila the mum when she put on her going out hat.


I live in Tahoe, and August is the time of year for car show, runs parades etc. Normally one is charged a fee to participate in these, however normal does not in anyway describe the in-laws. at 3:00 yesterday afternoon. they came to my shop, dragging a hijacked parade behind them. Apparently they joined a parade. uninvited they just eased into it.and when they were bored decided to come pay me a little visit. They didn't mention this to the 17 cars following them and as those people were behind them followed them all the way through town to my store. honking and waving. While i can always use customers. angry people in classic cars rarely buy a couch on a whim. my dads car has been banned from future car shows.

Having the brilliant idea to forgo the usual entertainment of the where shall we eat conversation, the queef and i decided on a buffet, after all they can chose what they want to eat and we only have to avoid the spillage. However we didnt take into account the new variation on this.
Me " we've decided to take you out to a nice dinner, all you can eat and huindreds of things to choose from"

Mum " Oh we thought you would be cooking, we so love it when you make us a nice meal"

Bill " WHAT?"

queef " WE"RE GOING OUT TO DINNER DAD A NICE BUFFET!"

Bill " Im sure Dean can find time to buff the car and it will surely be a winner"
Mum. " what kind of food do they serve?"
Me " just about anything you like"
" mum" Im sure none of it is as good as my son in laws cooking."
Bill " WHAT"
Queef " BUFFET DAD ALL YOU CAN EAT"
Bill " I most certainly do not have small feet"

me " DINNER BILL WE ARE GOING OUT TO DINNER"
Bill " theres no need to shout i'm right here. and i already said the cars a winner that can't be beat"
Mum " that sounds lovely as long as your sure you don't feel like cooking"
Me. " ya know what maybe i will cook, what would you like?"
Mum " oh you know me I'll eat anything, im not picky"
Me ok i could bar b que some steaks."
Mum " Im sure that would be nice but did'nt i see some lovely fish at the market?"
me " I don't know i wasnt at the market, but feel free yo goand have a look"
Queef, would you like me to drive you up to the store and we could buy some fish?"
Bill " WHAT?"
all of us " FISH DO YOU WANT FISH?"
mum " i certainly wouldnt want to take you away from your home after a long day at work. i can see you've got v cleaning to do."

Me " ok ill run up and grab it, what kind of fish did you see?"
mum" oh you know me im not picky"
Queef " put the gun down dean its not worth it.
Bill " I could use some dinner, what do you fancy?
Me " honey put the gun down, he's your father.
Bill " WHAT?