I was going to try and get this all down in one post, but thats just not gonna happen. so heres part 1
Day 1.
I awoke with joy at the thought that in just a few short, well ok 14 long hours i would be surrounded by hippies and dead heads and be in a giant puddle of joy. I had packed my bags very carefully. i had 6 different kinds of hash. some hash oil, weedcandy. pipe, spare pipe and vaporizer, a bottle of hydrocodone, some sleeping pills my doc gave me and enough weed to last me a month. I also had the foresight to pack some vitamins because a man has to take care of himself. I know some of you are saying to yourselves. this is crazy hes going to see the dead. 4 shows in 3 states in 5 days. thats not nearly enough drugs. fear not as I have done this before and had enough cash to get the drugs i needed for the shows. this was just a basic starter kit that could be replenished and added to as we cruised.
I picked up my buddy in Reno and after getting his shit in the car we were on the way. Of course we would need some supplies. so we stopped by the first shop we found and purchased a few boxes of whippets. well ok we bought 100 of them. whippets are small canisters of nitrous oxide also known as laughing gas or Hippie crack. Normally i would have found someone with a tank of no2 but time was short and Ive been off the road for a while. so whippets it was. having already eaten a few pieces of hash candy to get me in the driving mood. a few hits of laughing gas was definitely in order. it was a long trip and i personally didn't want to notice it. so off we went.
we were driving in my land rover as my wife had arranged for me to pick up a rescue dog in Santa Barbara after the last show. a 10 year old borsoi whose mom was ill and could no longer keep him. my land rover being a modern marvel of British technology has electric windows that dont work. well the passenger side does and the rear drivers does. sometimes. i mention this because as we were entering Cali from NV. the fog rolled in. Odd as it was a nice day, but hey we were ready to roll with anything the trip gods threw our way. We decided to stop and grab a burger as the fog was getting thicker. when we arrived at the burger king. we were surprised to notice that the fog was only inside the car and had a distinctive smell. So finding this hilarious we laughed our way past the last gas station for many a mile with out a second thought.
having a gps named Gladys. yes i have named my gps. don't lie if you have one you call it somethin. I knew we had plenty of time and wasnt really worried about getting there on time. she told us we would arrive at 4:30 and the show started at 7. the room was already booked and my friend we were meeting was there and already had keys. we were stylin. I was a little concerned about having enough gas, but Gladys told me there was a station 50 miles away and we had almost a quarter of a tank. no worries. luckily as i was getting worried the town of beaver pube junction appeared. ( ok its been a couple of weeks so i don't remember the names of the towns that well, but im pretty sure thats close.) . we pull into the first station in town. glad for a pee break and see a sign saying no electricity. nor being familiar with the laws of goatscroat flats i just figured they probably thought it was an affront to god or something. But no matter how many times i stuck my card in the little slot nothing happened. so we hop back in the rover and drive to the next one. this one had no sign, but was also out of electricity. The whole fucking town was out. Our choice now was to either A. smoke a bowl and wait for the lights to come on or B. smoke a bowl and go to the next town which was about 50 miles away. having done the little math i was capable of doing. by my reckoning. we could make about 42 miles with the gas we had left. or we could wait it out and see if the town ever got its power back. we chose c. do some more nitrous and head in the complete opposite direction where Gladys swore there would be a gas station 39 miles in the wrong way. According to gladys we would still have plenty of time and arrive by 5:45
A litte aside here. for those that have never been to a dead show. the parking lot is a haven for people that sell everything from veggie burritos to hand made stickers. these are the true dead heads that make what money they can in the lot to get enough gas money to make it to the next show. this area is known as Shakedown Street. its where i would replenish my drug supply and grab a couple of tye-dyes as souvenirs. yes i could juts by tour shirts that the band sells, but i like to support the little guy and besides i would by cd's of each show plus tickets so the band was getting paid enough for me. But mostly i needed hallucinogenics. I had none for the tour and would need to get some at the first show. i was counting on arriving in time to hit shake down and supply.
So back on the road. i put the peddle down and tried to make up some time. everything was going fine. according to Gladys we would now be there by 5. by 4:30 we were half an hour away and feeling pretty good. when we came to a road block. Apparently an armed man had run a muck or something. we waited for half an hour before a cop came by and explained that there was swat teams and every law enforcement officer in or searching for this dude. the road would remain closed for anywhere from an hour to a day. We again decided that a few hits of nitrous would help. this did cause giggles but no brain storms. the guy in front of us heard about our plight. we needed to get to Eugene. Not having a map but only Gladys. we had no idea where the fuck we were in the country let alone the state. so he said follow me. we can go through bend Or. only an hour away and cut over there. we reconfigured glady and that would get us there at about 7:30. ok no shakedown and the band always starts late. so not a complete loss.
Gladys had neglected to mention she would be taking the scenic route through 3 sisters national forest. this is a beautiful place. the sun was just thinking of going down and a golden glow lit up the forest. we expected to see a few unicorns and elfs or at least an ewok.. it was that pretty. until we reached the top. then it suddenly became a desolate moonscape where we were sure an ork would attack us and my friend started mumbling about his precious. this twisty road had more curves than jabba the belly dancer. so we were slowed to a crawl. Glady had given up and was sullen and unresponsive. we tried to cheer her up by blowing a few hash hit into her screen but nothing. so im stuck in mordor with my friend who was slowly becoming gollum and a depressed gps that kept trying to drive me off a cliff.
At this point we had called the friends we were meeting and they had said we'll leave your tickets at the hotel. come and find us. Gladys had woken up when we reached an actual road and said 8:30. so ok we'll miss a couple of songs no biggie. except i was going to my first show ever without tripping and this had bummed me out more than i could say.
Finally we reached Eugene. a lovely little town that has more 1 way streets then it like to talk about and after driving the wrong way on several of them we reached the hotel. got the tickets and were off to the show. knowing that i was driving with a few felony's in the car i had forgone my usual tyedye and wore a button down shirt. I had planned to change into my hippie suit at the hotel but didnt have time. so my first show of the tour. i missed the first set. had no drugs, well no good drugs, well no chemical, well ok i didnt have any hallucinogens. so i run into the show looking like a crazed Mormon. but finally found my friends. the first thing they say is did you find any drugs we couldn't. I thought this is how the tour is going to be. there would be no magic mushrooms, no lsd. As the second set began i was in a self indiuced depression that nothing could cure. Then the band played and all that melted away as a wave of musical joy enveloped me. with in 10 minutes my friend spotted a spinner with a backpack selling shrooms and as I was scared we wouldnt find anything else i bought his entire stock. We were set for now and could still hit the after show shakedown for anything else we needed.
Having run into the show we neglected to notice where we had parked. So after the show the great car hunt began. we remembered parking on grass somewhere. Oregon is full of fucking grass. So 2 hours later we finally found the car and a friendly hippie that was tripping so hard he sold us the same acid twice. we hit the hotel and collapsed into bed. knowing that tomorrow was going to be a good day. after all it couldnt get any stranger.
There is nothing fate loves more than to fuck with someone not paying attention.
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