Time

I have a birthday coming up and like all calm rational people over 40 its kind of freaking me out. not so much about getting older but time itself. time is funny stuff. we hear things like time marches on. time is fleeting. we waste it we kill it we we do everything in our power but pay attention to it. we spend our time developing new and exciting ways to ignore it.

I don't see time as an ever changing thing except in the way that the landscape changes as you drive across it. time to me seems more like a solid thing that we travel through. we are put down at the beginning of it. what happened before we got here is no more real than a story told by someone. history is what someone told you happened. so that doesn't matter. time for all of us begins when we get here and stops when we get to the end of it. we have our own personal time machines that we have named memory that can bring us back to any point along our journey. its our time to use as we like. we can't see the end of time. so we develop mile markers called years and days. and we develop clocks that can cut it into tiny bite sized pieces. but these just cover duration, not time itself. Time is just out there. the road on which we travel. the mile markers just give us some idea of where we were not where we're headed. there are no sign posts because its a straight road from beginning to end. there are no curves. there are however, rest stops, moments where we can pull over and take it all in. some moments last barley and instant others , well ill let you know, theyre still going on.

time is also caustic. as you go through it it peels away layers of what makes you you. every mile we travel through it tears away just another piece of the wonder we were born with. we gain wisdom at the price of innocents. we gain experience at the price of joy. we see things how they are the farther we get rather than hope for them to be otherwise.


So we get our road of time and we go down it. we use our own personal time machines to go back and make subtle changes to what we remember to make them better or worse. but always we march forward to the end of our time. the time of our lives. hopefully when we are out of time we'll be somewhere else. I'll leave that up to the religious people. but for now. instead of using my time to get through my life. im going to enjoy using my life to get through my time. because the thing about days is the more you get behind you the more faster they push you through it. with the weight of all the days pushing me forward im just hoping that theres an off ramp at the end of time because if theres just a wall im fucked.


One thing about time i didnt mention is that if you spent some of yours reading this. no refunds!